It feels good!

Picture this:

It is 4th September, 2008. Time: 5:15 pm. My location: DJ Sanghvi library. I am with Mitul and Saurajit, sleeping over the CN text book.

Then suddenly, Mitul gets a call from Nikunj.

Mitul: "Dude, results are out!"
Saurajit and me: "WTF! You can't be serious??"
Mitul: "I am, so we better get going!!"

We rush to the Computer Dept., bemoaning the fact that it HAD to be on the 6th floor dammit! I don't know about the other two, but i swear i had a mild heart-attack on my way up the building in the excruciatingly slow lift. Even a minute seemed like an hour at that time. On my journey to, what could possibly be, the "epicenter of mass destruction", my mind drifted toward the last 3 semester result days. NEVER had i come out of college on "result days" with a happy face. I was always sulking and disheartened with my performance, and rightly so. So far, in engineering, i was just an average "run-of-the-mill" student, who survived the rough weather somehow. And just about, mind you. Two out of the three semesters was spent in slogging my backside off and working hard to get myself slowly up the "so-called" hierarchical levels of our class. I tried hard, but it was to no avail. The end product was always missing, and i was slowly starting to give up and accept it the way it was. This time too, i was expecting no better. I couldn't give two hoots about optimism at this juncture. I was expecting the worst already : another day of disappointment and despair. Another day of pondering over what could have been. Another day of frustration and hopelessness. I kind of accepted the fact that this is the way it would always be, and that there was little i could possibly do about it. The conclusions had been drawn as the lift door opened into the 6th floor landing.

I literally sprinted across the lobby toward the epicenter, a sprint that a certain Usain Bolt would have been proud of. I was initially surprised to find no one there. And we started to wonder if it was a hoax call. But no. We were the first ones to know about the result, and were one of the first ones to arrive. I was sweating from head to toe. There was this pathetic feeling within me that i can possibly not describe. I anxiously went down the list of names until i found mine. As i dragged the horizontal scroll-bar of my eyes toward the right, it hit me! My total was 562. Now i had no idea how to react to this. Was this good or bad?? I stood there motionless. I was in disarray. I needed to know, and the only way to know was to divide and find out my percentile. But i was vibrating violently, almost like a member of the Bomb-Diffusion Unit diffusing a live bomb. I wasn't in my senses. Even simple Math deceived me at that time. I regained a bit of composure and found the right divisor. I calculated my percentage. And the A.L.U of my brain blurted out, "70.25%!!". Nah, that cant be possible, i hit back. I re-calculated. And the result was no different. Nope, i decided. I was surely making a calculation error. 70%?? Are you freaking kidding me? Then i asked Mitul if the divisor was really 8. He replied in the affirmative, and i calculated again. 70.25% it was again, and before i could reject that notion , Mr. A.L.U was getting worked up as i was doubting its ability. So i couldn't help but agree with it. It took me the best part of five minutes to gulp it down. I was sweating twice as much now. There was a massive mixture of emotions. I didn't know whether to cry in happiness or jump up and shout a few curses and expletives just to get the frustration of 3 damned semesters out of my system. Though the latter seemed a better proposition, i decided against it. I was happy as hell. And i just pumped up my fists in delight. 70.25% baby!! That is just INSANE, for me atleast!! Saurajit, as usual, had topped with 82%. Mitul had got almost the same as me. So we were all over the moon.

Being the first ones to know about the result, letting others know about it was one of our priorities. And so the phones started buzzing, and within no time, the news of the results reached all and sundry. As it turns out to be more often than not, our class had done very well. Most of us had got good scores, and the mood was good. It had to be good for me especially, because this was the first time in engineering that i had crossed the 70% mark.

It was a big day for me. The feeling that i had was absolutely unbelievable. Finally, i could say i got what i deserved. Each semester would end in tears and despair. Being at the far end of the class in terms of results had become almost a habit for me. While others went for an ice-cream or two to celebrate their success, i was the only one who went home feeling as low as ever. I still remember what i went through during those times. I decided i probably could not match my pals in terms of academics. Then my mind would disagree and ask me to be strong and start afresh and try and work with renewed vigor, with twice as much dedication. I would have a barrage of thoughts in my mind, and the sense of hopelessness you feel at those moments is unreal to be honest. But none of it was going through my mind that day. And why would it? Getting such a score is no small matter for me. Its an accomplishment and one which, dare i say it, i richly deserve. I have always been committed to my studies, and i always try to work hard. I don't lose focus easily, which is why i get so disgusted when i get low scores. There have been times when i started to doubt my own abilities, and wondered if i had reached my peak and that i could go no further. I could never accept it though. There was no way in hell i was going to give up so easily. This is what pushed me on always. After my Sem 3 debacle, i knew i had to do something about it. And the only way to ease the pain was to perform well in the next semester and banish those feelings. I did that, and it has paid off. And how!

Most of you would wonder, "Okay, you got a 70%. Whats the big deal? 80% of the class has got that much." You know, i couldn't care less. I personally don't care about what others get as long as i have performed well myself. And i had done it! It is a personal satisfaction more than anything else. In the world of cut-throat competition, it is vital to stay in the race. Being first is obviously the aim, and is very difficult. But making sure that you catch up with the others, especially after you have underperformed for three semesters running, is probably even tougher. The very fact that i have improved my percent by a whopping 10% is a big thing for me. It makes me feel good about myself, and it has renewed the long-lost confidence within me, the confidence to do even better. Trust me, i have never felt so good in my two years of engineering so far.

That day, i just couldn't stop smiling. It was magical. Something i have been yearning for all my engineering life. In my mind, this has not only proved the fact that i can do well. It has also made me realize that i can possibly do even better than this. There's no looking back now. I just hope and pray i can build on this have a uniformly increasing performance graph, and not a sinusoidal one with all its ups and downs. This could be the turning point for me in the intricate journey of engineering.

In the words of race-car driver Mario Andretti, "Desire is the key to motivation, but it's the determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal - a commitment to excellence - that will enable you to attain the success you seek."